Sherlock Crack fic
by ArthurDent2
Summary: Sherlock and John, also know and Shirley Locks and Jawn, go on a magical adventure. It all starts in the closet, oh sorry, a closet... Rated T for rockin' stilettos and Shirley Lock's luscious lips. And some smexy making out in some interesting places. This was a collaboration.


**Sum Johnlock crack.**

**Ohmygodwritersblock:** Written by ArthurDent2 and Ohmygodwritersblock because people here don't speak much english and did not appreciate our ukelele serenades (seriously) and then we got bored.

**ArthurDent2:** Hai.

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John felt a bit uncomfortable. He was in the closet, oh I mean in _a_ closet (whoopsies, wouldn't want to give you the wrong idea), pressed up against Sherlock, because, you see, it was a relatively small closet compared to the average closet you might end up in, hiding with Sherlock Holmes.

John shifted a little, against Sherlock's strong, muscular body and ended up face to face with Sherlock's marvelous cheekbones. John had to be careful in case he cut himself on them.

He was bored, they had been waiting in here for the past hour or so, with nothing to do but stand really close together. He was starting to think that they never were being chased and Sherlock just really wanted to be in the closet with him, oh, sorry I mean _a_ closet, my mistake.

They had started having a conversation about John's date with Jane later that night, but that had got a little awkward, with their chests pressed together. So talk had dissipated, and John had been left with nothing to be entertained by, except for the side of Sherlock's face.

Even though he did find Sherlock's face very interesting, it was beginning to tire him.

"Wait Jawn, I haz an ideaz. I fink dat dere iz sum secrit passige in dis wall hear." John studied him warily, unsure of this so called 'passige'. John felt the wall, and discovered that, in fact there was a 'secrit passige', as Sherlock had claimed, when his fingers closed around a majestic, ornate, golden door handle, on the wall opposite from the closet door.

"Ermagerhed, you iz rite, Shirlok!" John exclaimed excitedly. He jumped up and down a little, but it was difficult in the small space and because John was right next to Sherlock's exquisite cheekbones, he accidentally cut his forehead badly on them, and he bled all blood into his eyes.

"Ow Shirlok, kep tose checkbonze undur cntrl." As John was momentarily blinded by the blood gushing into his eyes, Sherlock took the opportunity to reach into his beaded handbag and grab a handful of cheetos, which he then proceeded to stuff into this mouth.

John stop the blood, and immediately healed the wound, using the magic of his sparkle dust, which he always kept at hand. Then, after he cleared his eyes of blood, he briefly caught a glimpse of something orange passing between Sherlock's luscious lips.

"Shirlok… Wa ded u poot inz urz smexy mouthe?" John inquired suspiciously.

"Wa? Iz dedn't poot anythang inz mi smexy mouthe." Sherlock said, but because his face was stuffed with the mysterious orange substance, it really sounded like, "Wmmm Imfaf ade majhfffa paaaafffo." but John understood exactly what he said, by using his super best friend mind reading abillities.

"SHIRLOK! IZ DOSE MA CHEETOES?" John asked furiously.

"No."

"Shiiiirrlook. Iz nose dose iz ma chee-"

"Jawn, quiklay, we iz beeng chazed!" Sherlock interrupted, trying to divert the attention from the cheetos, and swung the mysterious door open.

Sherlock swept through the door majestically, and John followed him, still grumbling about his stolen cheetos. "Imma git u bak fur dat, Shirly Locks."

Sherlock turned to glare over his shoulder at John, "Jawn, don say mah name lik dat. It iz ridiculus."

"K, I primise Shirly Locks." John laughed.

Sherlock glared some more, until John pointed at the landscape in front of them.

"Luk at dat Shirlok!" Sherlock turned to look, and a bird hit him in the face with its gigantic bird wings.

"OMG Shirlok r u OK?"

Sherlock was bleeding strawberry jelly from his brain, but John healed him quickly with his sparkle dust. "It iz OK, Shirlok. I will sav u frum thoz lava bubblz." John pointed to the lava that surrounded them. "We wil go tah doze lavendir feeldz ovah dere."

John turned into a large flying lizard with magic pegasus wings. He grabbed Sherlock with his tail, and they set off into the sky towards the lavender fields and away from the burning lava. Sherlock screamed, "AHHHHHHH!"

"Ermagerhrd Shirlok, shut ur fas." Sherlock shut his face.

The landed gracefully, face first in a bed of lavender. John transformed back into his human form but when he looked back at Sherlock to see if he was okay, he found him suddenly dressed in knee socks, and short skirt and a tank top, with a rockin pair red stilettos.

"Omg, Shirlok, u.." John stuttered, "U IZ BOOTIFUL!"

Sherlock looked down at new ensemble and replied, "I wazen't sure bout itz wen i pooted in un, butt nowz I dink I likes it."

Just then, a flock of gnome pixies bust from the ground and began to attack Sherlock, because they were all jealous of his new clothing style. Panicked, John picked up Sherlock's handbag, which he had dropped because of him being bombarded by the pixie's small bodies, and pulled out Sherlock's magic pens, and drew a door for them to escape through, but not before munching on some cheetos.

John pulled Sherlock from the pile of pixies and thrust Sherlock and himself through the door. The door magically closed itself and ceased to exist, so no pixies could follow. But because of their hurry, they tumbled out of the door, and onto Lestrade, pushing him against the floor.

Lestrade was very surprised indeed at their sudden appearance and struggled underneath the weight of both Sherlock and John on top of him.

"Guys! Where did you come fro-" but just then Lestrade caught a glimpse of Sherlock's choice of outfit, "Uh, Sherlock what are you wearing?"

Sherlock ignored Lestrade; he was lost in John's piercing gaze.

"Jawn, u- U saaved mi!" Sherlock pulled John into his arms and kissed him full on the lips, to which John responded very well to, and enthusiastically kissed him back, all whilst still on top of Lestrade.

"Seriously! Get off of my guys! Oh man, could you please do that somewhere else, besides you know, RIGHT ON TOP OF ME."

But John and Sherlock were not listening.

Sherlock pulled away and looked deep into John's eyes. "Jawn, I lurve u."

John gasped and kissed Sherlock passionately again. Then pulled away and declared, "Shirley Locks, I lurve u two!"

Lestrade looked very, very uncomfortable but Sherlock and John just continued to make out lovingly.

"Seriously guys, get off of me."

But Sherlock and John were so captivated by each other's love that they didn't even hear his tortured screams.

TEH IND.

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**Ohmygodwritersblock:** This got interesting pretty fast. And _someone_ Americanised Lestrade, so sorry about that. We didn't mention Jane again, so maybe we killed her off at some point. Or maybe Sherlock did. We both worked really hard on this.

**ArthurDent2:** I did most of the work.


End file.
